Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
