Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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