It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
