Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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