why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
