that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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