Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The uberlube is also flammable
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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