Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
