he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
