In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
