I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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