i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
