it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
