If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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