You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
