ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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