Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
