I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
