my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
