Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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