i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
