WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
