I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
