Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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