I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
