Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
