you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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