Whod you bang
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
