On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
