God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
