there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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