I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
