erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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