Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
