new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
