Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
