we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
