my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
