there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
