My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
