6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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