Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
