I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
