They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
