I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
