god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
