I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
