dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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