im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
