so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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