i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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