apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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