hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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